Aug. 8th, 2008

samaritan1975: (Default)
Yoinked from dalziel_86:

samaritan1975: (BrainyMonkey)
Bitching and Birthdays.

The two don't really refer to each other, per se, but that's what I'm doing here.

So, my birthday is this month. The 24th. I'll be 33. I've always been one to gripe about "where I am" in life, but my birthday tends to exacerbate it. I'm not sure if this is any different. I think I'm just tired of this job already- I'm... questioning if it's a good fit. I mean, it's just over 2 months, so I guess I can't rush to judge, but I just feel so... incompetent. And that, for me, is the singlemost thing that bothers me. I can feel guilty, sad, jealous- I can deal with those. But incompetent? That's just hard for me to swallow. I'm told 6 months is the general 'you should be pretty comfortable now', but I just came out of a job where I was the go-to guy, and this is a massive paradigm shift. I'm handling basic stuff, but I hate seeing outstanding items with my name on them that have been out there for awhile, because I really don't know how to work the issue, and I feel bad having to constantly call for help.

The hours I put in, the evenings I work, the weekends I work or am on call... you ever feel like you're just in the wrong line of work? I mean, I don't even feel like I can take pride in my work right now (and, of course, there's all the news coverage). Some days I just get bored with finance, and wish I had more time to sit and write, and just... I dunno. Add to our culture, or something. I mean, I don't want fame, I just want to know I did something that lasts, something... uncanny? Worthwhile? That mattered?

On the happier side, my wife has been asking what kind of cake I want. She and her friends are doing a 'Girls 80's Party' for those who have turned 30 within the last year, and I've been helping put their CD mixes together. It's also put me in the 80's mood, so I've been thinking of a cake in the form of Optimus Prime. Just because*. The alternative was either GI Joe (or, to make it more modern, an LAV), or a roleplaying 'thing' of some kind (perhaps a d4 or something).

See, with my wife, when she asks, she doesn't mean 'what kind of batter/frosting', because she knows me well enough, she literally means 'what do you want it to look like?'.

* The unwritten, obvious reasons are so that I can paraphrase quotes and ideas from the animated movie. Such as telling my wife "she's got the touch", or proclaiming that "this cake MUST be eaten... no matter the cost." All while humming "Dare to Be Stupid".


samaritan1975: (Default)

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